Monday, May 12, 2008

the breakdown

... has finally arrived.

I felt it coming yesterday at swimming, but fought it off. Last night my head ached and pounded. Though I slept decently well, only waking up 3 times, I still felt off when I woke this morning. Now, finally, sitting in bed on my "easy day" the thoughts overwhelm me and the tears come. The breakdown has arrived.

It is a release of sorts, so I don't dread the arrival of it, but at the same time it shows me how much I have been tucking away and pushing aside over the course of the last few weeks and months. Seems to me that I'm due for one about every 6 weeks or so... a cleanse of the system, I suppose. Many of the issues that build up are the same, as they go unresolved, but some are able to finally be cleared as if the tears just wash them away.

So, what's on my mind right now? A whole lot.
There are the usual concerns: money and missing my family....
Then there are the current concerns: my anticipation of the upcoming World Cup and the understanding of how well I need to do there, general fatigue, projects left unresolved for too long, inability to sleep through the night, stress over my failing ipod and overheating computer...
Just a lot of little things that add up and eventually need to be released.

The perfect cure for it was my easy swim today. Timing could not have been better and it was a great opportunity to re-center and re-balance myself so I will be ready to get back to work tomorrow.

So, not every day is smiles and laughter but despite these sometimes feelings of complete overwhelm I know that most of the "issues" don't really matter in the larger scope of things. I just have to keep working hard and hopefully everything will work itself out and fall into place.


Tim Jackson- Masi Guy said...

You'll be back- I know it and we're here to support you.

(Sorry I've been MIA lately- being in the hospital after my crash had me out of the loop for bit.)

IronGambit said...

I have a spare mp3 player, its not an ipod... but it works! Yours if you want it :)

Anonymous said...

You think too much. Just train! Embrace the hurt and fatigue. Some days are gold, some are shit. But it's the shit ones that make you a better athlete.